


Nerves

by SVZ



Category: Glee
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-01
Updated: 2011-01-01
Packaged: 2017-10-14 07:48:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/147015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SVZ/pseuds/SVZ
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt helps out Rachel when no one is willing to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nerves

**Nerves**

When Kurt walks into the practice room, he’s not terribly surprised to see Rachel Berry already there.

He is, however, surprised to see her visibly distressed, clutching an enormous stack of sheet music and staring at them as though they held all the answers to life and the universe.

Rachel looks up and the second she sees him, she gets that crazy intense look that reminds Kurt far too much of a primary UNSUB from Criminal Minds or Mrs. Lovett from Sweeney Todd for his comfort.

“So sorry,” Kurt says smoothly, “I’ll just come back later--” He’s already heading towards the door when he feels Rachel grabbing his sleeve.

“Wait!” Rachel practically drags him over to the piano bench with surprising ease for such a tiny girl. “I need some advice!” She pushes him onto the bench and towers over him, effectively cutting off his escape route.

Kurt stares. “Advice?” He takes in her outfit and resists the urge to tell her she’s a hopeless case.

When Rachel looks him in the eye, Kurt is unnerved by how piercing her gaze is. “As you and everyone from Glee know, I plan on auditioning for Juilliard and moving to New York so I can make my Broadway debut and become a huge star. However, I’m finding it incredibly difficult for me to narrow down my choices to three songs due to my extensive range.

“I’ve asked my Dads, I’ve asked Mr. Schue and everyone from the club but--” Rachel’s stops and fixates her gaze to the hem of her ridiculous yellow and purple plaid mini-skirt. “No one’s _helping_. Whenever I ask Finn, he tells me that I can sing the phone book and get in, which is flattering but not at all helpful. Mr. Schue just tells me that I need to play my strengths. I even asked Puck-- _Puck_ \-- but he unfortunately misconstrued my intentions and thought I wanted some ‘private vocal lessons’ but that’s another story.”

Kurt doesn’t want to think about Puck, Rachel, and ‘private lessons’ in any mental capacity. “Rachel, please get to your point.”

“Although I still haven’t forgiven you for the make-over--”

“Rachel, it’s been two years. Let it _go_.”

“I can always trust you to be honest, almost painfully so, when it comes to my singing. I know that you tolerate me at best and we’re not friends but that’s good because everyone’s been tip-toeing around me and afraid they’ll hurt my feelings by not showering me with praise. I even set up an Honesty Box on Facebook because I thought someone might feel more comfortable giving me constructive criticism anonymously but all I received were highly disturbing and sexually graphic comments from Jacob.”

“Ben Israel?"

“Don’t worry, I forwarded them to my Dad and he promised that he threatened Jacob with a restraining order. But back on topic, I need your help preparing my audition pieces.”

Kurt thinks he feels a migraine slowly building. “So you’re asking me for my opinion?”

“Yes!” Rachel thrusts her music sheets at him and Kurt is suddenly very sure he’s going to get a headache. “These are all the songs in my repertoire. The ones with gold stars are my personal picks. I’m almost positive I’ll be using ‘On My Own’ from Les Miserables.”

Kurt shakes his head. “Okay, you really do need my help. You’re not using that song.”

“But ‘On My Own’ is my go-to song for auditions,” Rachel insists. “I auditioned for New Directions with the song and Mr. Schue loved it. I always use it.”

“It’s also the audition song of every aspiring Broadway singer who thinks she’s the next Lea Salonga. It’s the most overdone song in the world, so I cannot in good conscience let you sing that.” Kurt flips through the music and immediately separates songs into “good” and “bad”. Most of Rachel’s gold star songs end up in the latter category.

“But I was born to sing ‘Defying Gravity’ from Wicked! I have empathized with Elphaba and her status as a perpetual outsider since the age of nine after my Dads took me to see it on Broadway with the original cast.”

Kurt narrows his eyes, his memory of the Diva-Off still not forgotten. “Don’t make me cut you.”

Rachel shuts up, for a second. Then, “Not Styne and Merill! Unless you’ve forgotten, we won Sectionals with my rendition of ‘Don’t Rain On My Parade’! And my birth mother is brilliant with the title song, I swear _Funny Girl_ is in my DNA.”

“Mmhmm. Keep on on talking, Princess. I’m weeding out anything that’s overdone.” Kurt wrinkles his nose and gives Rachel a judgmental look. “‘Summertime’, really Rachel? You can’t pull this song off."

Rachel frowns as Kurt puts ‘Summertime’ in a third pile. “What’s with--”

“This is the ‘do not want’ pile for songs you should never sing or attempt to sing. Don’t argue with me.” Rachel stays surprisingly silent while Kurt sorts through some more songs, giving her a pointed look and a empathetic “NO” when he tosses Scott Keyes’ “I’m a Star” into the rejection pile.

“I’ve been told I could be Eden Epinosa’s younger sister,” she tries halfheartedly.

Kurt just shakes his head and continues sorting through all her music. “I don’t understand why you have all these musical theatre and contemporary music. There should be more arias and art songs in here.”

“Musical theatre and contemporary music comprise of the bulk of my repertoire, it’s one of the reasons why I find it immensely distressing that I can only do one song that really showcases my strength as a singer and actress.”

Kurt pauses. “Do you realize that Juilliard probably wants something more ‘serious’, such as another aria or art song, most likely something written in a time before typewriters and sewing machines?”

“It doesn’t say--”

“No, but it’s common sense.” Kurt watches as all the color drains from Rachel face. “You’ dream of going to be majoring in voice at the world’s top music conservatory. Please don’t tell me you were planning on singing something from Annie Get Your Gun. They’ll be expecting you to sing something in French or German; to demonstrate you have range.” He assumes that yes, “You Can’t Get a Man With a Gun” had crossed Rachel Berry’s mind a few times by her indiscreet attempt to shove a small pile of sheet music into her rolling backpack. He thinks he may have spied something that looked suspiciously like “Honey Honey” from Mamma Mia and pretends for his own sanity, he didn’t.

“No one _told_ me. I haven’t done anything classical for a while. It's to a point where I don’t consider it to be one of my strengths as a singer, especially with all the contemporary music we cover in Glee,” Rachel admits. “The only arias I've sung are ones I use for my daily vocal practices. But I haven't sung them seriously, I've been neglecting them. My voice teacher also quit during my freshman year when she found out I had two Dads, she said she didn’t agree with their ‘life-style choice’.” She adds the last part in bitterly, and Kurt wonders for a brief second if she wanted pity but decides to ignore it.

“Well,” he says finally, “I do have a question for you.”

Rachel stops fidgeting with her skirt for a moment. “Yes?”

“Why Juilliard?”

Rachel frowns at him, perplexed. “It’s been my dream to study at Juilliard since the age of two. Juilliard’s the best music conservatory in the world, you said so yourself.”

“Yes,” Kurt acknowledges, “But do you think Juilliard will give you what you want? Will you be happy? The fact is that you’ve always dreamed about starring on Broadway and your interest lies within musical theater. You can’t specialize in musical theater at Juilliard. So,” he says, taking in a breath, “do you really think Juilliard’s the right choice for you?”

“There’s never been anything but Juilliard,” Rachel replies, blankly. “It’s always been New York, Juilliard, Broadway debut at age nineteen.”

Kurt looks at her thoughtfully, “There are other schools in New York, you know. Good ones. Tisch School of the Arts--that might be something to consider. You can major in musical theatre there, its reputation is just as good if not better.”

“It has _always_ been Juilliard, always. I’ve never considered any other schools.” Rachel says this almost to herself, eyes wide.

Kurt doesn’t know how to respond so he doesn’t.

“I’ll think about Tisch,” Rachel says, finally. “Do you... have any other advice?”

Kurt is inspecting selections from Schimer’s 24 Italian Art Songs, brows furrowed in concentration. “Hmm?” he inquires, absently.

“Certainly you know something I could work on. You’ve listened to me sing for the past two years.”

Kurt snorts. “Try twelve.” He smiles at her surprised expression. “I’ve been listening to you sing since kindergarten.” He sets the music down and turns to study her as though she’s a stranger.“You have a beautiful voice.”

Rachel blinks, surprised. “Thank you, but--”

Kurt continues, “Your voice is lovely and you’re undoubtedly talented. However, your performances are very one-note and have a limited range of facial expressions that continually border on overwrought. You can hit notes but you lack any deep emotional connection to the song itself.”

Rachel’s first instinct is to become defensive, but she had been the one who asked Kurt and he didn’t seem to be mocking her. Her shoulders sag. “Jesse once said I lacked Barbara’s emotional depth when he first saw me at Sectionals.”

Kurt half-smiles at her and Rachel is a little ashamed when she recognizes relief in his eyes. He had probably be expecting her to yell at him. “You’re very...” he flounders for a second, closes his eyes, “... flashy. Over-dramatic. Which is not always a bad thing on stage, but it can also come across as very High School Musical-ish and out of place when there’s no acting to go along with it. You should work on subtlety and range. Less belting and screaming.”

“Less Sharpay Evans,” Rachel mutters, “Got it.”

Kurt snickers. “Exactly. Just don’t think of myself as Ryan because the thought of us being related, much less being twins, is horrifying.” He rolls his eyes at her stunned expression, then smiles fondly, “My dad rented High School Musical when I first joined Glee Club. He was trying to understand me better.”

“I see, that’s rather sweet of him.”

“He tries.”

“I also want to thank you for being honest with me. I really appreciate it, Kurt.”

Kurt shrugs, “You need three songs, an Italian art song or an aria, an English art song, and something of your choosing.I’ve never heard you do anything other than pop so I’m just simply basing my choices on how well I think you sound on the pieces I know. And that you’ve been telling the truth whenever you brag about your classical training, even if it's not your forte.”

“If you would like, I can demonstrate exactly how versatile I am by singing Carmen’s Habanera acapella.”

Kurt blanches at the thought. “I will actually pay you not to.”

Rachel tries to hide her disappointment. She fails miserably. “How do you know so much about all of this, anyway?”

Kurt appears amused. “You’re not the only one who’s dying to get out of Lima. I’ve had a list of colleges I was interested in since I was thirteen. And I like to keep my options open.” He looks her in the eye, “I know I’ll probably never major in musical theatre, but it’s a certain possibility. Before she passed away, my mother was a piano and voice teacher. That’s how I know all of these.” He gestures to the selection of Italian art songs in front of him.

“Oh," Rachel says, awkwardly." I'm sorry to hear that.” For once, Rachel doesn't seem to have any words.

Taking pity on her, Kurt hows her his choices. “I can’t help you with pronunciation with Italian, unless you want sing Italian with a terrible American-French accent--” he’s pointing at the music in front of him and doesn’t see Rachel’s eyes light up at the suggestion that Kurt is willingly volunteering to help her with her pronunciation in a foreign language, “But Giordani’s ‘Caro mio Ben’ is a classic and Roy’s ‘The Little Rose’ will probably work for your English art song. Both are well-known but not too popular, so they won’t be mentally comparing you to anyone who had set the standard.”

Rachel looks over the songs carefully and sees Kurt’s logic; they’re good, solid choices. She had overlooked both of them but she knows them well and she knows with some practice, she could make them spectacular. However...

“I still need a song of my own choosing. I would prefer it to be a song in English,” Rachel reminds him, “Remember, I initially planned to sing ‘On My Own’ and not only have you informed that anything from Les Miserable is a terrible choice, but that I should be singing something that demonstrates that I have range.”

Kurt digs around his Salvatore Ferragamo messenger bag and pulls out a folder. “I have a song that might work, provided that you actually follow my advice. Exactly how familiar are you with the musical Spring Awakening?”

“When Jesse and I were dating, I occasionally entertained the fantasy that he would transfer to Tisch when I was a freshman at Juilliard and we would take over the respective leads of Melchior and Wendla from Hunter Parrish and Alex Socha. Why?”

“That’s kind of pathetic, Rachel, even for you. Also, a simple yes would have sufficed.” Kurt motions her to look at the arrangement he was holding. “I did an arrangement of ‘Touch Me’ in my spare time. I had originally thought we could do it in Glee for fun. But realistically speaking, Figgins’ head would explode if he found out. I think your voice would be wonderful for this if you take my suggestions into consideration.”

Rachel stares at the music in front of her. “Are you sure this is a good audition song?”she asks meekly, as though she expects Kurt to be setting her up for failure.

“Yes,” Kurt says, firmly. “It’s a beautiful song that will showcase your versatility as a singer. It’s an emotional song meant for subtlety and longing so please don’t even try to screech your way through it.”

“I like the song, but I’m not sure about the song choice. It’s just a rather unorthodox choice for an audition piece. Aside from it being unconventional, you mentioned before that you think it would be best if I sang an art song in a different language--”

Kurt waves her concerns aside. “Unconventional isn’t always terrible. And the more obscure and unorthodox, the more memorable you’ll be among the thousands of applicants. You’re Rachel Berry, you’re the epitome of a non-conformist.You've never done anything to help you blend in, whether it's keeping your head down in school or wearing clothes that are were not picked out by someone who is color-blind. And in case you’re concerned, I’m not trying to sabotage your chances with your dream school, I will have absolutely nothing to gain from your disappointment.”

Rachel smiles. “Believe it or not,” she says, “I trust you. I do.” She scans through the arrangement and all her years of sight-reading do not fail her; she mentally transposes her vocals over the music: the arrangement is perfect and feels almost tailored to her vocals. “I suppose I can try to find Brad and ask him if he’s willing to accompany me on piano. It was the strangest thing...I came in with all my music, he took one look, and left! Just left!”

Kurt gently nudges her in the side with an elbow, looking very resigned. “Give me back the music and move over, I can play. If you kill this song, I will never forgive you.”

It’s not until she starts singing that Rachel realizes Kurt’s right, she _had_ gotten used to belting most of the songs she sings. Kurt has substituted and merged a few verses which causes her to be slightly hesitant at the beginning.

The song itself honestly calls for a softer approach. Rachel tries to keep Kurt’s advice in her mind. “Touch Me” is supposed to be passionate but delicate and haunting. Subtlety, she reminds herself, more Kelsi and less Sharpay-- think sweet. Rachel focuses on adding a layer of sweetness to her voice and toning down the belting. She forgets--a little--but remembers near the end.

The song should have been awkward to sing... should have, but it wasn’t.

Rachel almost feels a twinge of disappointment when the song ends and Kurt stops playing.

Only silence.

“Well?” she asks, after a beat.

Kurt gives her a look that’s both proud and smug at the same time. “If you don’t get into Juilliard with this song and arrangement, I will personally eat my hat.”

“You’re not just saying that?”

“When have I ever said anything to you that I didn’t mean? I have never heard you sing better.”

He’s not at all prepared for the over-exuberant hug from his stepbrother’s girlfriend.

“Thank you,” Rachel says, “Thank you so much. When I go home, I’m making you cookies.”

Kurt attempts to pry his stepbrother’s girlfriend off him. “There really is no need.” He wrinkles his nose at the thought of all that refined sugar, Coach Sylvester’s impending wrath if he were to consume anything that's not liquefied and containing crushed bone marrows of exotic endangered animals, and his unfortunate pear-shaped hips.

“I insist.” She beams at him and starts asking him about his favorite kind of cookies, his favorite colors, and whether or not he has any type of specific allergies or particular food dislikes so he finally acquiesces; he could always just give the cookies to Finn later, Finn is always a fan of cookies.

Rachel is still chattering at him when the bell rings, signaling the end of his free period and the school day. She’s also still talking about cookies and how thankful she is (Kurt bites back the temptation to quote Shakespeare at her: “Brevity is the soul of wit”) when people start trickling into the room.

“Dude, what’s Rachel’s deal?” Puck stares at the scene in front of him, Rachel talking something about auditions and her future career as a Broadway actress or something, and Kurt wearing an expression that suggests he would really like nothing more than for the girl to spontaneously combust.

“It’s nothing,” Kurt says, sighing and looking rather pained. “It’s just... Rachel being Rachel.”

A few months later, Rachel bursts into Glee Club and calls the entire room together. “Attention New Directions,” she exclaims, beaming, “As you all know, I applied to Juilliard. Today, I received my official acceptance letter."

The room nearly explodes.

“HOWEVER,” she raises her voice slightly when everyone starts congratulating her, “I am rejecting Juilliard’s offer of acceptance because I’ve also been accepted to NYU’s Tisch School of Arts, I’ve decided to attend the latter instead.”

Mr. Schue’s the first to congratulate her and to voice what everyone’s thinking. “Rachel, I’m so proud of you... but saying no to Juilliard?”

“Are you crazy? It’s Juilliard!” Mercedes adds.

“It was a very difficult decision,” Rachel admits, “But--” she catches Kurt’s eye and smiles, “I’ve realized that Tisch is probably a better fit for me if I plan on pursuing musical theatre." Seeing Mr. Schue's disappointed expression, she adds, "I've discussed this at length with both my Dads and biological mother. Shelby thinks I've made the right decision. She told me that Tisch has a stellar reputation.”

“But it’s Juilliard!” Mr. Schue sighs.

“I’m sure it’ll be a great story to tell on television talk shows when I’m famous,” Rachel says, airily, “They’ll be dying to know why I turned down Juilliard. It’ll be a mystery for the ages.”

**Author's Note:**

> Fun facts: Idina Menzel and Matthew Morrison are both Tisch alumni.
> 
> Eden Espinosa has portrayed both Elphaba in Wicked and Maureen in Rent; both roles that Idina Menzel originated. Also her song [I'm a Star](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLtfWsByw2U) is possibly one of the most Rachel Berry-esque songs I've ever heard.
> 
> Also, Lea Michele did a stunning cover of Spring Awakening's [Touch Me](http://www.youtube.com/v/urJsv776SfM). (In which she sounds nothing like Rachel Berry!) Having Rachel cover it in this fic was entirely self-indulgent since I'm dying for her to cover this song (with this arrangement) on Glee to show her growth as a performer.


End file.
